Style Invitational Week 1316: Lies, damn lies, with statistics — a fake-trivia contest Tell us humorous ‘facts’ using bogus figures. Plus winning Tour de Fours neologisms.l (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // January 24 (Click here to skip down <#report> to this week’s winning neologisms) *Although the Chinese outnumber us 4 to 1, Americans have a greater combined weight.* (Joseph Romm, winner of Week 702, 2007) *Manure collected from stalls at Churchill Downs has been proved to increase lawn growth by 153 percent vs. regular horse poo. *(Dave Komornik, Week 1057, 2014) *In a study of 67 athletes who said they gave 110 percent, it was found that they actually gave an average of only 93.2 percent. *(Art Grinath, Week 1057) *When fully inflated, an adult Shar-Pei can reach up to seven feet in circumference. *(David Schwartz, Week 1289, 2018) As 92 percent of politicians can tell you, lots of otherwise sensible people will believe anything when a few “statistics” are flung into the argument; some folks are so intimidated by numbers that they just turn off their brains and nod passively at the most patently ridiculous figures since Barbie’s. The Greater Loser Community has made hay from this phenomenon — 762.4 bales of it since 1993 — in various jokes over the years, especially in our bogus-trivia contests. So let’s go all digital at once: *This week: Tell us some bogus trivia using “statistics” or some bogus quantitative measure, *as in the examples above from earlier fictoid contests. Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1316 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the absolutely finest *papier-mache rattle/maraca in the shape of a lime green frog wearing a bikini and covered in polka dots *that you will /ever/ see. Brought back directly from Cuba by Loser Ellen Goldlust. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 4; *results published Feb. 24 (online Thursday, Feb. 21). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. **The Style *Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *FaR-OUT wit: T-O-U-R neologisms* *Week 1312 * was one of our annual Tour de Fours neologism contests; this year, the four-letter block to include in a word or phrase was . . . TOUR, in any order but with no other letters between them. 4th place: T*utor*rid: Hot for teacher. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) She's easy being green: A Cuban rattle, this week's 2nd prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post) 3rd place: Manaf*ortu*ne cookie: “This isn’t the last sentence you’ll get. Lucky numbers: 15 to 30.” (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) 2nd place and the Mr. Turdy molding toy : *Trou*bleshouting: “YES, I HAVE ALREADY REBOOTED MY COMPUTER!!!” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: Bi*t o' Ur*anus: Candy that did not sell as well as the Mars Bar. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) Marginal-mastery TOUR: Honorable mentions *Heel of Fortune:* Yet another reality show in which a bunch of rich twits compete to see who is the most contemptible. (Jesse Frankovich) *Looturgy: *The spiel that televangelists use to fleece their flocks. “Joel Osteen’s looturgy is so good, his parishioners throw their money at him before he’s gotten to the first hallelujah” (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.) *#MeTourism:* Guided excursions to NBC headquarters, Fox headquarters, CBS headquarters . . . (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) *Rotunderpants: *“Relaxed-fit” drawers for wearing after the holidays. (Jesse Frankovich) *Autoritarian:* A persnickety, bossy driver. “Laying doctor’s-table paper over his SUV seats was bad enough, but then Stan asked the carpool to wear those blue protective slippers . . .” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *Attourniquet:* A lawyer who really puts the squeeze on a witness. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) *Detouronomy: *This book of the Bible explains how Moses took a wrong turn when leading the Israelites to the Promised Land, causing a 40-year delay. (Roy Ashley, Washington) *EUrotica:* “Instinctively, Theresa pulled away from the European. Clearly the European had no interest in pursuing her anyway. Both seemed to realize this was the worst porn story ever.” (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.) *Altruotomy:* Cutting the charitable deduction from the tax code. (Mark Raffman) *Fortune nookie:* What a rich guy can get even if he resembles a mushroom. (Jesse Frankovich) *Ampututor: *What every professor was in Civil War-era medical schools. (Dan Helming, Trenton, N.J.) *Foxtrot Uniform :* The official NATO response to Trump. (Jesse Frankovich) *Et tu, Robin?* Batman’s last words before his attack by the Boy Wonder at a Gotham City Council meeting. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) *A-trou-cious:* What above-the-ankle pants are. (Dan Helming) *BotRus BotRus Ghali:* Putin’s new U.N. ambassador. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) *Distributor Cap:* A Washington hockey player with a lot of assists. (Jesse Frankovich) *Dontourage:* All the president’s men. (Jeff Contompasis) *Tortuoso:* An extremely bad musician. “Timmy proved himself a true tortuoso at the violin recital with his rendition of ‘Lightly Row.’ ” (Frank Osen) *Fartuoso:* A master at playing the wind instrument. (William Kennard, Arlington,Va.) *Full discloture:* A successful filibuster. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *Go Ruth! *Slogan on many signs at the Women’s March. Insert a comma for the conservative version. (Duncan Stevens) *Echotourism: *Going wherever everybody else goes on vacation. (Tom Witte) *“Got Russians?”:* Mueller team slogan. (Mark Raffman) *Microtrump:* A unit of size, as in “My 5-year-old needs gloves. Do you carry these in microtrump?” (Laura Clairmont, Ashburn, Va.) *Torus trap:* A Krispy Kreme store. (Mike Gips) *Heart-out:* What Mitt Romney eats for breakfast every day I sit in the White House — D.J.T., Washington (Mark Raffman) *“I Get Round”: *A song that Brian Wilson wrote a few years later. (Duncan Stevens) *Nanotruth:* The largest particle of verity detected in a Sarah Sanders press briefing. (Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.) *Routhouse: *FedEx Field. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.) *Trotuous: *Giving you a bad case of the runs. (Jeff Contompasis) *Troubadorks:* The Losers who sing the parodies at the Style Invitational party. (Mark Raffman) *Blot rush:* The feeling of intense satisfaction that Losers experience when they get ink. (Jesse Frankovich) *Auto-reject:* Crude tool that the Empress presumably uses for efficiency. I mean, what other explanation is there for my awesome entry not getting ink last week? (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Jan. 28: Our backward-crossword contest. See wapo.st/invite1315 . *